February 26, 2015

No Love For Your Loved Ones!!!

Rambling Thoughts' weekly discussion piece on elderly in homes when the family stops visiting and caring for them
I realize that the title of this week's discussion is bound to raise some eyebrows.  However, if you have been a fan of mine for any length of time, you will know that eyebrow raising topics and titles are definitely something that does not scare me.

For those of you that do not know, I work at an assisted living home for the elderly.  I do have to say it can be very demanding but other days, you get to go home with some of the most funniest stories ever.

Now, I am not trying to say that elderly people with dementia or other mental disorders is comical.  I actually have had the chance to form great relationships with a bunch of the residents at the home I work at and it does bother me when they have a bad day or some injustice happens.

1 yr. Natural Health Magazine Subscription FREE There is this one resident, actually the oldest resident in our facility at a young 90 years of age, who is just the sweetest.  Of course at that age, hearing and sight are not the best and there is memory loss not only due the to age but also from suffering from a stroke.  In fact, the resident does not remember how old she is and is so surprised whenever you tell her she is 90.  She is a sweet woman and goes with the flow....as long as we take her out for the occasional cigarette and we make her coffee (and of course feed her), she is happy.

However, looking back into the history of an resident will help you get a glimpse into what the residents' life was like leading up to the point they moved into the facility.  I say this because some of the histories on the residents will make you think that they are talking about a completely different person than the one that is staying at the facility under the same name.  Then there are other times where the history just backs up who the resident is.

I say this because I find it very wrong for the families of these residents to turn their back on them in their time of need.  They show no love for them.  Now, I am not saying families placing their loved ones in homes do not love their family member.  I am fully aware that there are times when being a caregiver for an elderly person can be too overwhelming and in that case you are only showing that family member love by letting them be cared for someone that is more able.  I am referring to those family members that never come see their loved one and those that stop fighting to make sure their loved one is getting the medical attention they need.

Some people do not come see their loved one because of the past....that loved one did them wrong in some kind of way.  And I understand cutting certain people out of your life because of the pain they caused, however, at some point, I feel people should forgive a person for their past and be there for their loved one.  This can be done by just visiting the person, letting them know that they are loved.  I know the one resident at my facility always talks about her children and since I have been working there, none of her 5 children have come to see her, not even after she fell and fractured her fingers.  The worse part is one of them lives like 30 minutes from the facility.
Rambling Thoughts' No Love for your loved ones discussion
There are other residents that need their family to be there for their loved ones to make sure the doctors are doing everything they possibly can to care for them.  I know there are residents that need additional tests to get the medication that will help them.

It is hard as a staff member to see elderly people that you care for go through tough situations like this.  For me, it is like watching people that need help and not being able to do anything to help them in the way that they need.

What are y'all's thoughts?  Do you have a loved one in a home?  Join the discussion and lets all grow and learn from each other.

-Rambling Holly

1 comment:

  1. This has been a problem all along, It's very hard when you've had beloved people whom you're lucky enough to know as elders and then to see people often warehoused til the end of their life. We all should want to get older (because there's only one other alternative), but it's hard to embrace living past maturity when presented with such a dire future. For many people they cannot caretake their parent or the elder may not have someone who can take care of them, so having people of your caliber care is vital to any dignity and joy that is afforded the geriatric. Forgiving isn't for them it's for the person who holds the grievance. As someone who has not only taken care of elders, but also loved and lost people, sometimes with mixed emotions before their death, making amends does so much for helping people to move forward to what their lives offer, as opposed to being stuck in guilt and regret. One can say one shouldn't live a certain way or with certain feelings, but most people know what "should" gets you. A thoughtful post. Thank you.